I've been stressing so much over school that it's destroying me. I literally packed up and left the apartment and fled home in anguish. Yeah, rather than stick around and deal with the chaos, I simply ran away. I pussied out, so sad, right? I even let it start to ruin the perfectly good relationship I'm in. Amanda is all I could ever ask for and more; why I'd walk away from that, I'll never know. I do know that it's time for me to step up to the plate and deal with shit. No, I'm not ready for another stressful year at UMBC, but there's no stopping it; my life will continue to propel forward whether I want it to or not. I gotta suck it up and stop bitching. I can't let a little (or a lot, for that matter) stress wreck my stability. Amanda is quite frankly one of the first truly stable, normal relationships I've had in my life. She's become someone who I can lean on while knowing that she won't let me fall. But my overanalyzing mind made me think I wanted to leave her. I figured if I can't deal with school, there's no way I can manage to keep her happy as well.
I can't walk away now, though. I've done this too many times...I fear commitment. I'm afraid of it almost as much as I'm afraid of organic chemistry. I'm deathly afraid of abandonment. But why should I throw away the best relationship I've ever had just because of a little fear? I shouldn't, and I'm so glad I figured that out before I made the mistake of saying goodbye. Who knows how long this is going to last? I sure as fuck don't. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the companionship I have.
I had too much coffee today.
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Don't let school stress you out so much. Lighten your course load if you need to. You can always make it up later, and it's NOT worth the misery of being stressed. Instead of taking a semester off, give yourself an easy semester. Making a last-minute change and taking one less course is not the end of the world even if it feels like you're messing up your plans.
ReplyDeleteAlso, re:organic chemistry, do not underestimate the value of those tutoring sections the CTC offers. Sign up for one and go every week. Right before or right after class is great. Do a lot of practice problems, whether you think you get it or not. Orgo is not like math. Practicing after you already understand the concept is the most valuable thing you can do, not worthless.
Don't view yourself as being helpless while your life is being propelled forward. You're in control. Your foot is on the gas pedal. It's true that if you do NOTHING, you will propel forward at the same pace. Get off of cruise control. Slow down if you feel like you need to. It's okay to go below the speed limit. With all the red lights around, chances are you'll end up reaching your destination around the same time either way.