Siiiigh...

Guess I should apologize for my last entry.

After some investigation and deliberation, I decided to break it off with Amanda. I was in denial the entire time about the "healthy" aspect of the relationship...it was very unhealthy in many aspects, actually. It took so much energy out of me to even attempt to trust her. Distance was also a large factor in things; I think it seemed so nice at first because we saw each other so much. But when we weren't together, it was like I was making myself still like her. I probably should have ended it much sooner than I did, but I really did enjoy certain aspects of the whole ordeal.

Whether or not she cheated...well, I can't know for sure. She never had the testicular fortitude to come forward and tell me the truth; in fact, she stopped talking to me after I called it quits. But such is life. Considering she won't fess up, I can pretty much confirm that yes, she did cheat. Sure, it hurts, but I'm moving on. It was nice while it lasted. We had some good times, and why regret that?

My only regrets are spending money taking her out to eat (I doubt she really even appreciated the gesture), giving her money to get alcohol (for herself, mind you, and I'm the one without a job...makes sense...?), and giving her my trust. I make people work for that, and I guess I just felt secure about things, so I decided, "hell, what could go wrong?"

Well, we've discovered a valuable lesson here. Shit can happen. You can get your feelings stomped on. BUT...at least something was learned.

For now, I think I'm going to avoid women and relationships. It's best for me to just keep truckin' through college, ya know? Sure, I've caught myself thinking about her, but in due time, that will pass.

I just wish she would have been honest. I appreciate the truth a whole fuckin' lot more than a lie. I've been lied to a few too many times in the past. So, Amanda Bradley, know this: you'll get yours. That is all.

Longest. Day. Ever.

I woke up and could feel my eye lids clinging shut for dear life. My body was not in the mood to wake up and was making it very clear to me. I thought a shower would help; nope, just hurt myself. I ended up getting soap in my eye and cutting my leg shaving. Rough morning. After eating some cereal I thought, "okay, everything's gonna get better. It is, I know it."

I took my pills and headed out the door. Parking was a bitch as usual, and I ended up at lot 22, the parking lot that might as well not even be on campus because of how far away it is. I was just thankful it wasn't super hot today. Every class was tediously painful; I was fighting as hard as I could just to keep my eyes open. My pen kept sliding down my notebook, leaving trails of ink all over my notes. Sentences weren't really sentences, formulas were all wrong...classes were simply terrible.

Then I arrived home from class, threw on some shorts and napped. Errr...well, we could just say slept because I was out for 4 hours. Luckily, I'm now rested, caught up on classes, and hanging out with my lovely friends.

But truthfully...today was complete shit.