Siiiigh...

Guess I should apologize for my last entry.

After some investigation and deliberation, I decided to break it off with Amanda. I was in denial the entire time about the "healthy" aspect of the relationship...it was very unhealthy in many aspects, actually. It took so much energy out of me to even attempt to trust her. Distance was also a large factor in things; I think it seemed so nice at first because we saw each other so much. But when we weren't together, it was like I was making myself still like her. I probably should have ended it much sooner than I did, but I really did enjoy certain aspects of the whole ordeal.

Whether or not she cheated...well, I can't know for sure. She never had the testicular fortitude to come forward and tell me the truth; in fact, she stopped talking to me after I called it quits. But such is life. Considering she won't fess up, I can pretty much confirm that yes, she did cheat. Sure, it hurts, but I'm moving on. It was nice while it lasted. We had some good times, and why regret that?

My only regrets are spending money taking her out to eat (I doubt she really even appreciated the gesture), giving her money to get alcohol (for herself, mind you, and I'm the one without a job...makes sense...?), and giving her my trust. I make people work for that, and I guess I just felt secure about things, so I decided, "hell, what could go wrong?"

Well, we've discovered a valuable lesson here. Shit can happen. You can get your feelings stomped on. BUT...at least something was learned.

For now, I think I'm going to avoid women and relationships. It's best for me to just keep truckin' through college, ya know? Sure, I've caught myself thinking about her, but in due time, that will pass.

I just wish she would have been honest. I appreciate the truth a whole fuckin' lot more than a lie. I've been lied to a few too many times in the past. So, Amanda Bradley, know this: you'll get yours. That is all.