Over a month.

It seems like it's been a decade since I last put anything up on here. To be honest, I haven't had much motivation to do anything as of late. I roll out of bed, I go to class, I take a nap, I go to work, I study, I smoke some things, I go to bed. Wake up, repeat. Nothing else is ever different. Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever happens. It's as if I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of discontent. It's like I'm insatiable; I'm supported by loving (though not accepting) parents. They pay for everything: school, my apartment, my gas, insurance, food, clothes...it's terrible, really. I just took a weekend trip to New York with the best friends in the whole world. I have a job; not the best paying job but shit, I've got a job at least. I've got more clothes than I can count. I have a car. But I still feel like something is off, or missing, perhaps.

I'll go through periods of contentedness, then I go through spells of emptiness. I thought that maybe I missed companionship, but when I have it I enjoy mucking it up and throwing it away as fast as I possibly can. I'm afraid of being with someone for too long...it's quite a scary thought to me. But then I yearn for someone to be there. What exactly do I want??

I don't even know what I want to do with my life right now. I'm in college for the sheer fact that it's been constantly pounded into my head that without a college degree, I'll get absolutely nowhere in life. Though it's probably the truth, I wish I could have figured these things out on my own. It's as if I've been letting someone else subconsciously control the reigns to my destiny, and I'm just now noticing.

I need to make a large amount of changes in my lifestyle, and fast.

Before it's too late.