Over a month.

It seems like it's been a decade since I last put anything up on here. To be honest, I haven't had much motivation to do anything as of late. I roll out of bed, I go to class, I take a nap, I go to work, I study, I smoke some things, I go to bed. Wake up, repeat. Nothing else is ever different. Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever happens. It's as if I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of discontent. It's like I'm insatiable; I'm supported by loving (though not accepting) parents. They pay for everything: school, my apartment, my gas, insurance, food, clothes...it's terrible, really. I just took a weekend trip to New York with the best friends in the whole world. I have a job; not the best paying job but shit, I've got a job at least. I've got more clothes than I can count. I have a car. But I still feel like something is off, or missing, perhaps.

I'll go through periods of contentedness, then I go through spells of emptiness. I thought that maybe I missed companionship, but when I have it I enjoy mucking it up and throwing it away as fast as I possibly can. I'm afraid of being with someone for too long...it's quite a scary thought to me. But then I yearn for someone to be there. What exactly do I want??

I don't even know what I want to do with my life right now. I'm in college for the sheer fact that it's been constantly pounded into my head that without a college degree, I'll get absolutely nowhere in life. Though it's probably the truth, I wish I could have figured these things out on my own. It's as if I've been letting someone else subconsciously control the reigns to my destiny, and I'm just now noticing.

I need to make a large amount of changes in my lifestyle, and fast.

Before it's too late.

Shame.

Life is currently ridiculously bland. The constant parties and late nights are slowly becoming less and less entertaining. I'm tired of this lifeless living, if that's even something that exists. I'm just typing out of my ass, right now. I want a cigarette so badly...I've been quit for two weeks now. I'm tempted to go out and buy a pack and just sneak them around 3am every night when I go on my walk.

No. No no no no, Liz. You're above this. This...addiction. I hate the word addiction, but I know that I have so many of them. Cigarettes. Sex. Power. Money. All of the vices anyone could ever have, I currently possess. I want everything, need everything, and if I don't get everything, I get pissed. I don't know why this is the case; perhaps I was spoiled growing up. No, that's not true. My parents put me in my place. I'm pretty sure I'm just a greedy little bastard for no apparent reason. It's a shame, too, because I could probably such a better person if I just have this mindset of infinite power and fame.

I need that cigarette now. As soon as I'm done this movie, my laundry, and organic chemistry chapter 6...I'm drivin' to 40.

No sleep tonight.

My roommate's boyfriend is over, which equals profuse amounts of kissing in the bed below me. Normally doesn't bother me, but I know something more is happening. So, in order to avoid the obvious awkwardness, I went outside, smoked a cigarette, and have decided that sleeping on the couch would be best this evening. Sucks that now it's 4am, and I have yet to get any sleep.

My life is beginning to piece itself back into place, which is a nice change of pace considering how much of a struggle it has been to focus. There's so many things I don't miss about my freshman year, but one thing I would kill to have back is my drive. My desire. My want to surpass all and achieve the impossible. I feel like I'm settling for less than what I'm worth. Not in relationships or anything, just in my academics. French is kicking my ass, though truthfully I expected that; foreign languages and I never got along very well. Orgo isn't too terrible, really. I think I got about a 75 on the first exam, though we'll find out a solid number tomorrow if Gierasch pulled through with grading. We shall see.

And I actually enjoy orgo lab. The experiments are pretty interesting, and I've got awesome hood partners. Oh and playing with chemicals has always been a hobby of mine...plenty of places online to get lovely compounds that when mixed together with a fuse go "BOOM!"

Guess I should try and sleep now...this couch is pretty fucking comfortable.

Hope all of you (the few, that is) that read this are faring well in life. Take care.

Siiiigh...

Guess I should apologize for my last entry.

After some investigation and deliberation, I decided to break it off with Amanda. I was in denial the entire time about the "healthy" aspect of the relationship...it was very unhealthy in many aspects, actually. It took so much energy out of me to even attempt to trust her. Distance was also a large factor in things; I think it seemed so nice at first because we saw each other so much. But when we weren't together, it was like I was making myself still like her. I probably should have ended it much sooner than I did, but I really did enjoy certain aspects of the whole ordeal.

Whether or not she cheated...well, I can't know for sure. She never had the testicular fortitude to come forward and tell me the truth; in fact, she stopped talking to me after I called it quits. But such is life. Considering she won't fess up, I can pretty much confirm that yes, she did cheat. Sure, it hurts, but I'm moving on. It was nice while it lasted. We had some good times, and why regret that?

My only regrets are spending money taking her out to eat (I doubt she really even appreciated the gesture), giving her money to get alcohol (for herself, mind you, and I'm the one without a job...makes sense...?), and giving her my trust. I make people work for that, and I guess I just felt secure about things, so I decided, "hell, what could go wrong?"

Well, we've discovered a valuable lesson here. Shit can happen. You can get your feelings stomped on. BUT...at least something was learned.

For now, I think I'm going to avoid women and relationships. It's best for me to just keep truckin' through college, ya know? Sure, I've caught myself thinking about her, but in due time, that will pass.

I just wish she would have been honest. I appreciate the truth a whole fuckin' lot more than a lie. I've been lied to a few too many times in the past. So, Amanda Bradley, know this: you'll get yours. That is all.

Longest. Day. Ever.

I woke up and could feel my eye lids clinging shut for dear life. My body was not in the mood to wake up and was making it very clear to me. I thought a shower would help; nope, just hurt myself. I ended up getting soap in my eye and cutting my leg shaving. Rough morning. After eating some cereal I thought, "okay, everything's gonna get better. It is, I know it."

I took my pills and headed out the door. Parking was a bitch as usual, and I ended up at lot 22, the parking lot that might as well not even be on campus because of how far away it is. I was just thankful it wasn't super hot today. Every class was tediously painful; I was fighting as hard as I could just to keep my eyes open. My pen kept sliding down my notebook, leaving trails of ink all over my notes. Sentences weren't really sentences, formulas were all wrong...classes were simply terrible.

Then I arrived home from class, threw on some shorts and napped. Errr...well, we could just say slept because I was out for 4 hours. Luckily, I'm now rested, caught up on classes, and hanging out with my lovely friends.

But truthfully...today was complete shit.

I realize that...

I've been stressing so much over school that it's destroying me. I literally packed up and left the apartment and fled home in anguish. Yeah, rather than stick around and deal with the chaos, I simply ran away. I pussied out, so sad, right? I even let it start to ruin the perfectly good relationship I'm in. Amanda is all I could ever ask for and more; why I'd walk away from that, I'll never know. I do know that it's time for me to step up to the plate and deal with shit. No, I'm not ready for another stressful year at UMBC, but there's no stopping it; my life will continue to propel forward whether I want it to or not. I gotta suck it up and stop bitching. I can't let a little (or a lot, for that matter) stress wreck my stability. Amanda is quite frankly one of the first truly stable, normal relationships I've had in my life. She's become someone who I can lean on while knowing that she won't let me fall. But my overanalyzing mind made me think I wanted to leave her. I figured if I can't deal with school, there's no way I can manage to keep her happy as well.

I can't walk away now, though. I've done this too many times...I fear commitment. I'm afraid of it almost as much as I'm afraid of organic chemistry. I'm deathly afraid of abandonment. But why should I throw away the best relationship I've ever had just because of a little fear? I shouldn't, and I'm so glad I figured that out before I made the mistake of saying goodbye. Who knows how long this is going to last? I sure as fuck don't. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the companionship I have.

I had too much coffee today.

What is going on?

Well, first and foremost, I have a girlfriend, and she's one amazing human being. I couldn't be happier with anyone else, and I'm lucky. Very lucky.

Though we had some differences last night (mainly caused by alcohol, mind you), I still can't be angry at her. Sure, I was pissed when things happened, but I was drunk. She was drunk. Things were being said and actions were being committed that wouldn't happen under normal circumstances and I forgive her for that, as I believe she's forgiven me.

I feel like this girl is worth fighting for.

The apartment is still lovely, though there's a few ants in the bathroom...might want to watch that. Our kitten, Xerxes, is getting much bigger, but he's still an obnoxious little runt. I love him but...there's a little hate in there, too.

No more vodka for me. Too many drunken nights in the last week. Four out of seven days...ridiculous.

In the process of being smacked in the face...

I smacked someone else, someone who didn't even deserve it.

I'd much rather be punched in the face rather than smacked.

To the one I hurt, I truly didn't mean to. I didn't think before I spoke. Look what it got me.

Go me.

Chain smoking is my biggest downfall.

My brain is acting so strange right now.

Everyone knows me...the usual kid-hating teenager. I (under typical circumstance) hate children. Babies. Anything that cries. But some weird mother-like personality has been coming out of me. I see babies and think they're cute now. I find myself wondering what having a kid would be like. What the hell is going on???!

I also normally hate the thought of dating. I'm not good with commitment. I'm not very skilled in the relationship department, so I normally stick to friends. But all I can think about is being with one girl and truly, seriously making her happy. Man, there must be something in the water.

Or, I'm watching too many movies like Moulin Rouge. That could be it.

Time for work. Lame.

Smoking trade-off?

No more cigarettes. Only hookah. I just can't seem to walk away from ALL smoking. Gah, what a struggle!

I ordered my hookah Monday, though, and I can't wait for it to get here. I'll need to stock up on shisha and coals before I go to Baltimore.

I hope this purchase doesn't become more of a burden than a blessing.

I never do this bloggy-type shit anymore.

I can't say it's due to lack of time, though. Dear God, I've got more time on my hands than I know what to do with. So, I play Call of Duty and eat. Haha, what a productive summer! I've made a decent amount of cash at work though, so I'm not completely useless, I promise you that.

I went on a lovely trip to the DC Zoo yesterday, and my only complaint is the fact that they built it strategically on a hill. Yes, that only makes sense. When you've finished hiking all over creation to see lions and tigers, you can walk up that same hill you came down and sweat your balls off. Oh, and I really hate the metro parking at Huntington. SmarTrip passes are the worst idea ever. No, I take that back. They're only the worst idea ever if you ONLY accept them as payment. What kind of a parking garage doesn't take credit cards OR cash? Yes, a pointless one.

I've been watching Lady Gaga videos lately (I can't lie; I'm a Lady Gaga fanatic) and it's honestly very depressing how much she's acting in front of the cameras. I understand that her philosophy is that life is art and music is art and art is sex etc, but does she really have to put on such a front for interviews? This is her before she was big; no fake accent, less promiscuous talk, no outrageous outfit...as contradictory as it may seem, it's an enjoyable fresh breath of air to see her NOT be a crazy, eccentric bitch. She claims that it's "who she is" but ask yourself...is it?



And then we have her now. Watch this video from her interview with Jonathan Ross. Telling from the first video, that strange accent is quite fake. Still, I can't help but adore her music. I live for music with a great beat, a strong hook, and a good melody. Her songs normally have all three.



Why can't I find a girl who lives for those three things: music, art, and sex? Someone like that needs to stumble my way...

Oh and another comment, I really liked her more with brunette hair, but that's just my opinion. I tend to find brunettes much more appealing, anyways.

I don't think anyone ever reads my blog, so I'm not sure why I update it. Oh well, typing is a good time burner while you wait for your dad to take you to dinner. I AM HUNGRY!

Legit.

My life has been all about xbox lately. Nothing else. Pure, video gaming pleasure. Prototype. Call of Duty. Assassin's Creed. Left 4 Dead. I've been sick of people lately...everyone I know has become manipulative. Shady. Backstabbing. I want absolutely nothing to do with characters like that. Leave me be; I'm happy.

Now if only my job would give me that raise I've been fighting like hell for. Then we'd really have something going.

FUCK YOU, UMBC.

YOU TOOK DEAN'S LIST AWAY FROM ME.
Calculus=A
Psych=A
Chem lab=B
Chem=B
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.

Fuck it, at least I got semester honors.
Still, now my GPA is a 3.69, and I'm not exactly happy about that.

Monster.

No one believes me when I say to stay away from me in the wee hours of the morning.

Now they know.

All I want is to be happy.

I think I've achieved just plain 'happiness'. But what I really want is undying, unconditional, complete happiness. I find myself increasingly lonely as I slip away from certain people. I wish everyone knew how sorry I was for not calling, not texting, not paying attention...I've needed a lot of "me" time. Now with finals, it's even harder for me to say hello every so often. I'm truly not trying to be a jerk; I think about many of you every so often during the day. Some more than others...but nevertheless, I think about everyone, and I hope at least someone thinks about me.

I'm more than happy that the school year is over for me on Wednesday and that I'll be skateboarding and drinking next Thursday in Ocean City. My motivation is gone. I should be studying...SHOULD...but am not.

And now I have another distraction in my mind that I can't seem to shake. I wish I knew what to do and why I did stupid things, but alas, I'm not so fortunate.

Stop living in a dream world, Liz. It wouldn't happen, anyways.

Why?

I met you a little over a year ago. We exchanged numbers. Talked incessantly. Grew closer and closer. I had you within my grasp. You gave me hope. You made me feel like someone for once; like maybe, just maybe I could be happy.

And then you broke me.

I still think about you. I still wish it would have worked and I still want to see you. As much as you've hurt me, if you came back into my life, I'd never deny you. You don't deserve it but I'm a sap for love and I could never imagine pushing you away. I loved you dearly and I wanted to make you happy; more than happy, really. I just wanted to show you how love worked. What it really meant to LOVE someone.

It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I long for love and I long for companionship but I just can't seem to find it. I'm too picky. I'm too "cute." I'm too much of a romantic. Shut the hell up. I'm not changing; I'm sorry I have a heart. Maybe that's why you cut me off. You couldn't imagine being with someone with a heart; someone who could honestly do something for you. I hate you for ruining a lot of things for me. I can't stop thinking about you and haven't ever stopped thinking about you. Please...just get out of my head. I just want you to feel the anguish that I went through after chasing you for a year of my fucking life. I wasted so much time and energy on you-and for what? Absolutely nothing. Fuck you for making me look like a fool. Fuck you. Fuck off and die you piece of trash. You're not worth the time of day.

I love you.

Sitting in The Commons.

Eating a PB&J and some baked lays chips. Sipping on water. I'm so terribly groggy and tired today. Now I don't even feel like blogging. Now I'm just typing words for the sake of typing words. The gym was awful this morning...I couldn't get myself moving. Mile and a half in and I just crashed. Usually I can keep trucking for awhile, but not this morning. It's like some sort of switch in my mind didn't flick on when I woke up. I dunno. It feels like it's going to be a great day, just a slow one. I'm looking forward to this evening...new Left 4 Dead campaigns! Good times, good times. Lots of zombie action tonight. Should prove interesting.

I have an unhealthy obsession with killing things. The thought of it is exhilarating. Luckily, video games let me experience this without the repercussions. Can't exactly go around shooting people in real life...that would quickly ruin my college career, haha. But killing virtual zombies was never a crime.

Fuck. So tired. I can hardly keep myself awake right now. Sucks, man. Sucks.

New underwear should be in the mail very soon. I'm excited.

I need a beer.

I need:

• sex
• beer
• A's in my classes
• more money
• August to get here faster
• cramps to go away
• my friends
  

Excitement.

The end of the year approaches. The end of the week approaches.

If only the school year ended this weekend...then I'd really be happy. Most people need more time to bring their grades up. I need less time to ensure that I don't screw up my possible A's. I'm angry that I may possibly be making straight Bs this semester but I can't blame anyone for that except myself. I slacked a little and messed some things up. But, it's still not over. I have a calc exam, a psych exam, a chem exam, and three finals that could either make or break me. A's on the finals would guarantee me A's in the classes. However, just a B, which many people would consider absolutely fine, could easily take me from 90 to 89. That cannot happen. CANNOT.

I wish I wasn't so obsessive compulsive over my grades. Breathe, Liz, breathe.

I hope I don't do anything inappropriate this weekend. Ah. Fuck, who am I kidding?





I know I will.
=)

Ramble ramble RAMBLE!

I went to calculus this morning hoping I'd learn something.

I hoped too much. I sat there and wrote in my personal journal for 45 minutes. I wrote a much needed vent, however. So it wasn't a complete waste of time. I really wish I could put my journal entries online...but I, unfortunately, cannot. What they contain is vulgar, violent, angry, degrading, unrestrained rambles. I have a strong feeling you wouldn't be seeing too much of me if they were to be found. Yes.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Maddie said I could tag along with her and her group of friends again. That's a swell group of people there. Then on Saturday we're off to see the apartment and possibly sign the lease. An apartment...it just blows my mind to think about it.

Less blogging, more reading psychology, Liz!

I'm Down and Out.

Complete utter dissatisfaction with life. That's all I feel.

What the hell am I doing right now? I'm in college. And for what? A paycheck? Great. I've come to realize that I don't think it's money that's ever going to make me happy, which is a big realization for me to make. I'm a huge splurger when it comes to spending. But perhaps my mother was always right....money doesn't bring happiness.

The only reason I'm in school right now is to:
1. Guarantee myself a big paycheck in the future
2. Appease my parents
and 3. Put off being an adult

It's weird though. Lately...I've wanted to be an adult more than anything. I want to move out, get a job, live life. I know that everyone is telling me to stay in school because if I quit, I'll never go back, but that's something I'll need to learn on my own. I feel like I'm stuck in this fucking cage that I'm just dying to break free from. I want to get out of the house. Not live in a dorm. Not have classes. I just wanna work a job from 8 till 4. Be able to sustain my life by myself. I'm sick of UMBC. It's become more of a prison than anything. Every time I'm on this campus I grow increasingly depressed and irritable. I snap at people for no reason; it's a miracle that I still have friends. Maybe they just already know how I am and aren't surprised.

I'm constantly lonely but I'm always pushing people away. I want chaos but I want silence. I want to get fit but I want to smoke and drink. Speaking of drinking, I spent all of last night completely hammered. I'm relapsing back into all these dirty habits that I kicked for awhile. Who the fuck am I?

It's the saddest moment in the history of mankind when you don't even know who you are anymore.

Time to call mom and tell her I'm ready to drop out of school. I can't be here anymore. I just can't.

The Seven Days of Peter Crumb

equals pure genius, stuffed into a book.

Not for the squeamish.

I'm done with smoking.

I know this is probably the tenth time I've tried quitting, but I'm serious about it this time around. I thought I was fine last time, but the stress of college got to be a little too much for me to bear. No, I shouldn't even make excuses...it's not worth it.

But, I'm sick of letting people down, slowing myself down, and keeping myself from getting back in shape. I've been trying to get my lazy ass back to the gym, and smoking cigarettes won't get me any closer to doing that. Nor will any other drugs. So, on that note, I believe I'm done with it.

My mom talked to me right before I left. She looked at me all sad and what not and said, "Seems like as soon as I get used to you being here...you leave." I hate leaving my mom at home. I know that some nights, I'm the only person she really gets to talk to. I go to breakfast with her on Saturdays. Heck, even today I actually went to church with her. I know my mom and I get into petty arguments but I hope that despite those things, she knows how much I love her. She gave me a hug and then said, "I know you should only quit smoking for yourself, but if you do it for anyone besides that, do it for me? It's stupid, and well...I'd like to see you grow up into what I know you can be. And that won't happen if you're dying with lung cancer."

Mothers really do know best.

My Top Ten Video Games...ever.

10. Tetris - Why? Easy: simplicity. Despite the game hardly changing over the years, people still want newer versions of it. It's a beautiful thing, really. Keeps me entertained for hours.
9. The Sims - I remember getting this game for Christmas when I was in seventh grade or something. I also remember playing it for five hours straight. As sad as it may be, it seems that mankind has become more obsessed about living virtual lives than over dictating their own. Sigh...
8. Goldeneye 007 - Probably the best first-person shooter known to man. Sure, the blood was just a little red splotch on the character and sure, they look like stick figures with polygons for heads, but somehow that simple little game is what created first-person shooters as we know them today. And I still can't deny a multiplayer match in the stack.
7. Skate - As a huge Tony Hawk fan for many, many years, I was a skeptic when it came to Skate and its "flick-it" trick system. But, the moment I picked up the controller, I was amazed at how life-like the video game was. I almost felt like I was really skateboarding. And THAT is why I love it. Landing a good 360 flip in Skate is the next best thing to landing a 360 flip in real life. Trust me.
6. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - By far one of the most legendary games to ever be created for N64. Awesome storyline, addictive gameplay, great (at the time) graphics, and decent story length...all packaged into one game. I highly preferred this to the Majora's Mask game.
5. Fallout 3 - Though I just bought this game approximately 12 hours ago, I've already racked up 8 hours of gameplay and just now found myself able to stop playing. I'm exhausted and my eyes are hardly open, but it was just that hard to stop. The environments are breathtaking; the VATS combat system is a nice change to most shooters; the open-ended gameplay is always welcome...just an overall great purchase.
4. Left 4 Dead - I have very few things to say. One-ZOMBIES. Who doesn't love killing zombies? Tw0-BILL. Everyone's favorite war veteran. Three-This is the most awesome game to play with your friends. Four-It gives PS3 owners a reason to cry...haha.
3. Pokemon: Red Version - I still play pokemon to this day, and NO, I have NEVER done the rare candy cheat/glitch. Cheaters never win. Why red version? Because fire pokemon will always reign supreme. This is the reason why I still have a gameboy color.
2. Fable - Many people rag on this game for its short gameplay. Yes, I'll admit that it doesn't have the longest storyline...but what it doesn't shell out in quantity it gives you in quality. This is another game that I praised highly for its graphics and combat system. Also, the ability to choose whether you became good or evil was a nice change. Though not as open-ended as games like Fallout 3 and Oblivion (which both were ironically created by Bethesda...), it still has room for the player to make his or her own decisions...which is never turned down.
And number one...
1. Super Mario World - Yes. The game of all games for me. The game that brought me into the gaming world. The game that made me realize that three hours can go quickly if you aren't bored. I wish I could find my Super Nintendo solely for this game. I will find it...I will find it so I can finally ride Yoshi again and save Peach, for the 97694576986th time.. (Though I won't lie...I'm a Bowser fan, personally).

Spring break will consist of the following:

Driving up to New York with Beltrani and Heather. Getting copious amounts of alcohol (Sam Adams, specifically, because I'm a sucker for a good beer). Waking up at 9am Tuesday and playing a round of beer pong with James. Going to the St. Patty's Day parade completely plastered.

Yes. This is going to be a much enjoyed, much deserved break. Then it's back to the grind.

May I suggest some interesting reading material?

Look up:

• Ted Bundy
• John Wayne Gacy
• Eddie Gein
• Robert Pickton
• The Zodiac Killer

Or my personal new favorite: Gary Ridgway.

Most intriguing, isn't it?

It really irks me.

Why is it that I seem to be the only person in my group of friends who gives a damn about academics? Why am I the only one ever putting any effort into assignments? Why am I the only one who insists on working before playing? Almost every single person I'm close to at this school doesn't seem to be phased by a failing grade on an exam. Didn't finish that lab report? They don't seem to mind. It makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

If you didn't want to go to school, get the fuck out. College isn't for everyone; if it isn't where you want to be, then leave. It's a waste of your time to be here. I love my friends but I hate being surrounded by people who have little pride for their work. I find work ethic and drive to be one of the most important and telling qualities about a human being. It's not WHAT you do but HOW you do it. If you're an author, it would be useless for you to do three hours of calculus problems. But you should, however, write and read other literature. As a college student, you should finish assignments, go to class, and be responsible. You chose to further your education - put a little effort into it.

I hate people who don't try. That's just pathetic.

Don't make excuses. Don't try to get out of it. Just fucking do it. A little work never killed anyone, and if it did, then shit, they probably deserved it.

This world drives me up a fucking wall.

No, I take that back. The PEOPLE in this world drive me up a fucking wall.

A perfect afternoon.

I can think of no better way to spend my Monday.

Too bad I have psych at 2:30 and a bulletin board to make after that. Why did I jump out of that window again? Oh, that's right. To avoid an alcohol charge.

Time to play some Oblivion.

My thoughts lately have been bothering me.

The types of things I've been thinking about, in particular, and what they involve, are what bother me. If this wasn't a blog accessible by all eyes then I'd love to share my daydreams... But the internet will never be a safe place to post things in confidence, so I must watch how I word things and what I say.

I'm worried about what I might do next. Worried that I'm slowly being pushed inches away from snapping. I've grown excruciatingly tired of some of the people surrounding me, to the point that I almost want some of them to just drop out or fail out. As selfish as that is, I'm a selfish person and I won't deny that. Patience has never been my virtue and I seem to have less and less of it every day.

Last semester was different. This semester I could quite literally strangle some people.

That's all. Time for calculus.

I really hope this weekend is as enjoyable as it looks like it's going to be. If not, I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

I love reading old blogs.

It's the most bittersweet experience I can think of. Most of my old xangas, livejournals, etc are teeming with melodramatic entries, ranting about my "fucking miserable" life. Overflowing with spelling errors, internet lingo, and annoying smiley faces, they're so amusing yet so humiliating. I'm just glad that I've learned the art of writing intelligent sentences and typing properly; I'd be a sad college student if I couldn't. Oh wait a minute, quite a few college students still can't spell or type properly at eighteen...what does this say about education?

*scoffs*

I have to wonder if I'll read this a few years down the road and hate how cynical and sarcastic I am. I can't imagine myself any different than I am at this point, but whose to say that I'm done developing as a person? Life is full of changes; if you stop adapting, you stop living.

Time to do a psych lab and go to sleep. I'll be back at UMBC around 10:30am. I'm not sure how this week is going to go...with three exams, it'll probably be awful. But why ruin the week before it begins?